One morning after getting the girls down for a nap, I crumpled onto the floor in exhaustion & tears asking no one in particular why this was so hard. The next moment I was at a riverbank. I could see my feet on the rocks & feel the icy water on my toes. I was experiencing the scene at the river in real time as if I was there, while also being able to zoom out & witness ‘myself’ from above.

I’m now two years off prescription drugs, 3 years into an experience called Topical Steroid Withdrawal, 3 months on a radically different healing protocol and trying to reconcile the fact that no matter what I do or how hard I push that I don’t actually have any control.

Regardless of not setting out to become a psychic, I’ve always been extremely sensitive and picked up on the energy behind things. I feel the energy of everything from people, animals and plants, to objects, words, and even buildings. I’ve always connected with this unseen energy and received messages from it through my senses in the form of emotions, thoughts, visions, physical sensations, voices, music, and even smells.

I experienced many of these moments when I was young. I don’t believe I ever saw anyone as clearly as in that hospital, but I still saw things, heard things, dreamt things, knew things, and I definitely felt things, but I sensed it wasn’t something to be talked about. Everything in the external world told me this wasn’t reality, even though it was happening in my reality.

Even when my body was screaming for me to stop it never felt safe to slow down-what would I find out if I did? What big truths would I have to face and what life-altering changes would I have to make? I don’t know about you, but I found this terrifying. And all the busyness and noise I’d created in my life kept me safe from this truth and apart from my inner knowing, my intuition and the voice of my soul.